“I woke to a heavy, dark rain today, the kind of weather mood, that comforts me. Since childhood, I’ve let my big smiles cover for my deep introspection. But now, with a tooth missing, I can’t do that as whole-heartedly. I stopped smiling fully, about ten years ago. Sure, I’m okay, maybe more real than I was, given the unwanted revelation of my flaws. A survivor. For surely, that would apply to me. However, I don’t generally play that card. I’d rather be the one, navigating life, using a paper map. Excited, to be on the right road no one else noticed. I appreciate the outliers. I guess I drove into the “big city” with one last night. We met at Home Depot, in the parking lot, not far from where I’d once bought a bass guitar out of a guy’s trunk. Or bought last minute tulip, daffodil and crocus bulbs. I let myself sink into his passenger seat. Sometimes, that’s all I crave. To be a passenger, in a truck, and safe. Good luck on you; I can’t really promote this any further. There was a time when I believed in my musical heroes. But I continue to be exiled, the harder I try. My unrestrained routes over mountain passes, and past the iconic bones of many poets, ne’er-do-wells, and farmers, shouldn’t these things sustain me? Maybe I drove the gap too early, dipping into clouds and fog, confused. Loving like an empath, those who can’t love me. Maybe I care too much, about trees, & artist types. But I love the audacity of my clan, and the forest itself, in minor keys, in snippets of prose. Your green marble and barns, and water courses, and pot holes, and flagrant vegetable acreages, and cows, and hay fields cut during dry times. Your solos. I’m over-burdened with songs I can’t sing. As if anyone knew how this felt, ever. Did you want to sing so much, your heart was lost in an avalanche? I will sing it all, in the end. Not far from a pasture, where sheep are grazing, and bees buzzing and water flowing, from an obscure hole, out of the barren ground. ”
